Ordinary Time

I'm taking time out for reflection.
I can't say my reflection has ever really been of great interest to me, it looks at me in a slightly accusing way, and does the opposite of whatever I do.
Perhaps it is just naturally contrary, I'm not sure that I'm always right, but I'm sure that I'm not always wrong, so it can't be always left, surely?
I don't think that's the only reason I don't much like looking in the mirror, I can't say "Mirror, mirror, on the wall" even in jest, I get the feeling I wouldn't like the answer much. I don't feel that the mirror is there to give me answers so much as it constantly questions me, sarcastically and not at all constructively. So I choose to look for my reflection in other surfaces, specifically in the eyes of those around me.
I've had some good times lately but I can't help wondering if I've made all that I could out of them. I'm looking for ways that I've grown as a person over the last year, and hoping I don't find any ways in which I've withered as a person.
I came so close to achieving what I thought I wanted, before seeing that I was pushing a square peg against a round hole. However much I'd like to see an end to these cycles of hope and loneliness I can't be with someone whose world view runs counter to mine.

"Strawberry Man
at the end of the day
you and your van
need somewhere to stay..
take my car keys
keep my shoes
someday I may need
a favour from you" (Mike Scott)

I count the things that I've done for other people today, and I count the things other people have done for me. And the world doesn't owe me, I owe it.