a vers de societe

I find myself thinking about this poem by Philip Larkin;
"my wife and I have asked a crowd of craps
to come and waste their time and ours, perhaps
you'd care to join us?"

as I read the invitation in my hand my first instinct is the same as the poet's "in a pig's arse, friend", I hardly know anyone, it's inconvenient, it's too much effort.

Two pieces of news change my decision, a friend is getting married, another friend's marriage has ended. The friend whose marriage is over is to be best man at the wedding, and my counsel is sought.

Unlike the poem, this thought goes beyond the decision to accept the invitation, and I hope the poet found his experience at the party as rewarding. Going beyond the labels of marriage, divorce, success, failure, I found one couple starting out on a journey together, and one couple starting to journey separately. A couple who were socially confident and adept but have not made a successful marriage, a couple who were socially nervous, but who are great for each other. More specifically a friend who worked immensely hard to appear natural with great success, and a friend naturally withdrawn and quiet. One of them has found a bride with whom he may discover the happiness of loving commitment, the other has come to find his marriage unfulfilling to both parties. Moving away from the simplistic "you said 'til death do us part, so live with it" I offer the suggestion that this marriage made neither of them happy, and in time both of them will find happiness elsewhere.

At the back of my mind one question sits unanswered, "Which of these two friends am I more like? And much more importantly, which have I been trying to be more like?"

"Dear Warlock-Williams, why of course..